Developing good witnesses for visitation cases

A common problem in trying to get fathers[i] of young children more visitation is that often few folks other than family members (who are naturally perceived as biased) regularly observe these fathers parenting their young children.  If these fathers do most of their parenting within their home, there are few folks who actually witness the parenting. These fathers may be attentive and engaged parents but, if there are not unbiased witnesses observing this, it may be hard to convince a family court judge that the child would benefit from more time with this father. Here are three good ways to develop such witnesses.

Have play dates that involve other parents and their young children

For fathers of very young children, this is both an excellent way to bond with your child and an excellent way to have others observe you parent your children. Even infants—who are too young to have friends—enjoy being around children of a similar age.  Joining another parent and bringing your child to a park, playground, or swimming area, enables you to engage in healthy and wholesome outdoor activities with your child. It also allows your child to socialize with other children and creates witnesses to your parenting. 

When my own daughters were very young, I found going out with another father and his child made the outing more enjoyable for both me and my daughter.  I had someone to talk to while doing these activities and my daughter got to socialize with other children.  While I never had my own custody litigation, and wasn’t thinking about this issue when I arranged these outings, I now realize I was creating excelling potential witnesses on my parenting ability if I ever was in a position where I was seeking more than “standard” visitation (which back in the early 1990’s was pretty minimal).

Do outdoor activities with your child in your neighborhood

Most of my custody clients live in suburban areas—often in housing developments that have shared recreational amenities.  Even if you do not join friends at the local pool or park, taking your child there enables neighbors to observe you interacting with your child. These neighbors can then attest to your level of involvement and wholesome involvement with your child.

If most of your interactions with your children are within your home, you are not developing strong witnesses to your parenting ability. Get outside with your children so folks can witness you parenting them.

Arrange for your child’s friends to join you and your child in your home or on outings

Hosting your child’s friends on play dates is an excellent way to develop visitation witnesses.  Assuming these playdates go well, the parents of your child’s friends are able to say that they trusted you with their child and that their child had a good time.  If you take their child on activities, they can indicate your willingness to support your own child’s social development and to be a generous person to their child. If they trust you with their child to do sleepovers at your home, such trust will be especially noteworthy (in a positive way) on visitation issues.

While this advice may seem performative, it isn’t intended to be.  Especially as my daughters got older, they enjoyed being able to socialize with friends on the outings I took them on. Thankfully, I never had to engage in custody litigation with my own children.  However, if I had to do so, there would have been numerous respected witnesses who could attest that I was a actively involved parent and that their children enjoyed being around me. For fathers simply seeking more time with their own children, such witnesses can be extremely valuable.

[i] This advice would equally apply to mothers of young children seeking visitation.  My experience is that 90+% of the parents of young children who are merely seeking visitation are fathers.